There will never, ever, ever be a time when going running and preparing a healthy meal is as easy and effortless as laying on the couch eating an entire sleeve of Oreos. – The Truth About Being Healthy
A few days ago I wrote a huge blog freaking out about how I can’t lose weight. Granted, I’ve been trying for 6 years, with a little success around the time I got married. To keep this short, from 2008 until now, I gained 40 lbs.
Wow. There’s no excuse for that.
I’ve had bouts of depression and a tendency to switch birth control, and both of those enable weight gain. However, up until a few years ago I never paid attention to what I looked like or how much I weighed.
The truth is that I’ve neglected and lied to myself, even when I thought I was living a healthy lifestyle. Once I lost so much weight, I would default into maintenance. When I got down to 163 lbs this time last year, I got lazy. Then I got all depressed this summer and made it up to 185. Over 20 lbs in a year.
Anyway, I wrote a blog post freaking out about my thyroid, exhaustion, etc. I’d been exercising like crazy for two months and I’d only lost 4 lbs, which was way less than I was expecting, since I was burning more than 500 calories a day. I went to the doctor yesterday and got a giant reality check. She essentially said that my biggest and only problem is that I am a very hungry girl. She was gentle, but direct. Turns out that I am my own worst enemy and it took a professional to tell me this. At 185, my BMI was forced into the obese category. I didn’t see myself as obese! WHAT?! Clearly all the swelling, exhaustion, and pain I was having was due to the fact that I was carrying the equivalent of an extra bag of cat food on my body. And all the exercise that I was doing? That was only keeping me at maintenance level because of all the food that I was eating. I mean, aside from the size of my giant shoulders and hips, I am a petite to medium framed person with the pointiest elbows and longest fingers, torso, and femurs. Then cheeseburgers happened. No wonder my feet hurt in the morning.
I was upset when I first left the doctor’s office. Why did I let myself go like this? I love cheeseburgers and pizza, but everyone else eats them and they seem fine.
As the day went on, I realized that I have to make a change and get serious about it this time. I discussed a few things with my doctor yesterday and we agreed that I need to be on a 1400-a-day calorie limit, with exercise in order to reach her recommended goal of 145-150. During a particular hunger pang yesterday, I joked to myself that my body was working on a really good cheeseburger I ate last week and that was just what after-burger tastes like.
I would like to lose a pound a week (I’m at 179, as of this morning), so that would put me there by September/October if I don’t plateau. Two pounds a week would be even better. I haven’t been that light since sophomore year of college. The struggle is real.
What I need to pay special attention to is the midpoint, where I peter out and neglect myself because I think I am immune to calories. I need to realize that I am the maker of my own fate and that I shouldn’t just assume that my metabolism is the same as it was a decade ago. And most of all, I need to take care of myself. That isn’t just eating better, but caring for myself mentally. Loving myself for who I am, realizing that I have the power to change, and to get help when I start getting depressed.
I’ll keep you guys posted on my progress, in order to make myself accountable (read: guilt power!). It won’t be easy, but I think I am finally ready.
Starting Weight: 185 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 181 lbs
This Weigh-in: 179 lbs